Difficult conversations are just that - difficult! I'm watching the reruns of the State of the Union 2014 address and I'm thinking about how difficult it must be, as POTUS, to reach people who feel and behave so differently than you do. It must be difficult when some people resist you and you are working so hard for the common good, when you are working to promote understanding.
In my little corner, I, too, strive for consensus, at work with the team I lead, and at home, with the team I lead. I want to support those who are working hard for a better future.
The important thing is this: seek first to understand and then start from where you are, support efforts that show intention and goodwill, support those who stand up and show courage, participate, serve, keep trying, keep showing up, demonstrate impact, explain why you need this conversation.
Here are the most effective phrases I have to date to help with conflict:
From my perspective, I see it differently...
Tell me more...
Tell me, what's the hardest part?
Help me to understand...
I don't blame you but...
I'd feel the same way except...
What I hear you saying...
I appreciate this part...
Thank you for talking!
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