Friday, May 27, 2016


We know what PO'd looks like, right?  I step away real quickly when I witness it...

But what about Pre-Occupied?  That can feel nearly as dismissive, when someone you hope will see you really doesn't.  They may notice you, but...were you seen?

Make that a goal this holiday weekend.

Simply noticing people works most of the time, with most people...but for those you care about?  Take the time to really see them.  You'll be filling one of their primal needs.

How do you do that?  Still yourself and listen to them, see them. 

Seek first, to understand.  Okay, hey, this last part...not an original thought!

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

There You Are

I was reading about narcissists the other day and came across the big distinction, because of course I was thinking of me (!) and thinking about where the narcissists are in my life.

Here's how to figure it out - there's the people who come into the room as if to say:


and then there's the others...the sweet people we treasure, who seem to proclaim:


Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Ponder This

Here's to all of us who need to see this today.  Happy hump day.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Mama Me

My pride for Kate, Matt, and Joe is with me every day.  I consider their childhoods and hold my breath that they remember it even better than I do.  I'm so entertained with the thoughts of our lives together, in the early years.  Kate was my loyal assistant, Matt the one who kept us grounded and encouraged all of us to have some fun, and Joe did the entertaining.

As I remember it, they got along perfectly, said their prayers and ate their vegetables.  My only real challenge was that Joe gave up naps at the same time as Kate.  But that's as bad as it was.  It was a pure joy, a pure honor, to be with them and show them the way.  While our memories are built on bias, I know, I can say with more than a little certainty that I felt daily, a concurrent heavy responsibility and the sheer joy of their lives, and that feeling was matched with my personal pride at the biggest assignment and gift ever given me.

Without hesitation, I can tell you my life's best work is my children.  And their thank you to me is the way they are leading their lives.

Friday, May 6, 2016

IQ? Who cares! What's your EI?

I've been reading a lot on Emotional Intelligence and it has me all worked up - my emotions are popping up all over!

It really is humbling.  There's so much to learn.

Straight from wiki:  "Emotional Intelligence describes the ability, capacity, identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups." 

The ideas surrounding Emotional Intelligence are quite simple, and obvious, but it's the application of the ideas that are difficult.  What I mean is this:  Emotions are valid, legit, and unavoidable.  We're human!  And, duh, where there is conflict, there is always emotion attached to it.  If there's no emotion, there's no conflict. 

When two or more people disagree, there's conflict.  And where there's conflict - there's emotion!  And emotion always trumps, er, outdoes, logic.

Working up your skills in emotional intelligence is important because it helps you manage your own emotions as well as predict how people might respond to any given situation so you can plan accordingly. Way more important than being smart, really.

Being in touch with what you're feeling and then naming and managing those emotions is the first step.  For some, the go-to emotion is anger or frustration.  If you know this about yourself, you can more readily watch for triggers and develop a plan (walk around the block, count to 10, breathe, wait, call a friend, eat some chocolate).  When you are under the grips of the emotion, it's best not to do much at all.  Wait it out.  Recognize the pattern you are carrying out.  Do you happen to glimpse your mom or dad?  Not too surprising...we tend to behave in ways that were modeled to us long ago.