Monday, March 16, 2015


Christmas is coming...and it's around April 3 this year!

Kate begins her 38th week and I'm beginning to pace. 

She has created and completed her lengthy pre-baby checklist and is perfectly poised for what's coming.  Me?  I'm not exactly sure how to get ready.  I'm obsessively topping off my gas tank and phone battery, not sure at all that I will be prepared for the call, which is relatively minor, considering the bigger call - becoming a grandmother!

We spent this past weekend doing noisy and dusty renovations in the lower level of the Special home, all in advance of the really big excitement ahead.  The best part of of the weekend was feeling baby move...and kick!

It's really amazing.  We will meet someone very beloved, very soon.  And I will experience my girl in a new way, a new light, soon, too.

I'm hoping she enjoys her firstborn as much as I have.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

March 8

So here it is again - March 8 - and I remember the life of my friend Phyllis.

She was my mother-in-law, who, near the end of her life and, also, my dying marriage, encouraged me to break off, to seek happiness, to build my life away from her son, to start anew.

On March 8, I think of my loss and feel the promise of Spring.  All in the same day.

She taught me things that a parent just can't.  Unconditional love from a near stranger is quite the gift.  Her imperfection was offset by her abundant care.  And I hope that maybe, just maybe, I have assumed some of that goodness and can pass it on.  

We had many long talks and walks with the children, when they were young and I was confused.  We would get outside, in the light.  I'd grab the stroller and she would get her smokes.  I found comfort in our easy friendship.

Now, so much clearer, and older, I try to contribute more than I criticize, to feel the wholehearted wonder of the outside, to feel the magic of generosity, to choose my life with intention, to help others find their own worthiness.

I stand up and believe in my own sweet life, and I miss her a little less when I'm like that.