For the Benefit of Others

Dear Jo,

Tonight was Confirmation and I stood with your girl Anna as she became an adult in the Catholic church.  She took the name from Elizabeth Ann Seton because of her work in orphanages and Catholic schools; the saint lost her mother at age 3 you know.

It was such a huge honor to worship with your girls on either side of me and watch your widowed husband kneeling when prompted, unfamiliar with all the Catholic cadences and still devoted to your wish and his promise.

Our new Archbishop - Michael Jackels - (super cool, by the way) spoke to the confirmandi and challenged them in ways that make good parents smile.  He told them a happy life was promised to them if they resisted selfishness; if they worked for the benefit of others.  I thought of you, and your dedication to your family, to your friends, to your students, to those less fortunate.

For the benefit of others, we gathered tonight.  And we celebrated our faith.  And we talked of you.

Miss you.

xoxo Jen

Lessons from Laurie

I didn't know Sharon very well, but I came to know my sister a whole lot better through Sharon's death six years ago today.

For sixteen months, my sister Laurie was Sharon's caregiver as together they traversed the journey of cancer patient and, finally, Hospice client.  I'm sure I won't can't get all the details correct, but they both taught me - about death, and about caring for the dying.

Laurie is a crier, just like me, which is one of our common bonds.  But she was a rock when it mattered, and it mattered a whole lot during those sixteen emotional months.

To say it was a difficult time doesn't paint the picture.  Laurie became a medical expert and a patient advocate for Sharon.  Laurie learned blood counts, oncology options, CT scan results and consulted on all of it.  There were a whole lot of sacrifices, compromises, inconveniences, and late nights online remotely so the wheels didn't come off her work commitments.  She did all of that (and I know I don't know the half of it) and she would've done it another sixteen months, or years.

What I saw in those difficult days was a woman who was so committed to the integrity of another human being that you couldn't help but sit up straighter, to try harder, to be better.

At Sharon's funeral service, Laurie delivered the eulogy.  I was nervous for her.  She's a crier - how is she going to do this?  I saw my sister's strength like never before.  She gave a final gift to Sharon, and to all of us who were listening.  Her eulogy was a toast to her best friend, her sister-by-heart, and she was amazingly strong.  Her composure, her resolve, her grace - these things were modeled for me by Laurie that day.

What I've seen since Sharon's death is a loved one so full of grief that in the early difficult days her words slurred, her hand seemed unsteady, her eyes were so sad.  What I've seen in the last few years is a woman who fully understands the gift she was given and treasures it and can talk about...and, having witnessed death so intimately, really values all that comes with purposeful living.

Thank you, big sister, for the life lessons.  I hope I get a ride in your new Mustang soon.

It's Not About the Food

Timing is everything, right?  Seeing my longtime sisterfriend Lisa as she traveled thru Iowa on I-80, was a highlight of my week month; talking with her this weekend, a few days before my favorite holiday, was perfect timing and a good reminder.  I had been thinking about how my attempts to enhance my mash potatoes - by throwing in a block of cream cheese - really under-delivered last year, and she was reminding me that we get together on Thanksgiving for bigger reasons.  She was telling me about her Thanksgiving plans.  She explained that after years of shopping and cleaning and cooking and baking - she's just not feeling it this year.  Her family has plans to relax and chill and really ENJOY each other.  Then she said they may wander out to a nice Greek restaurant.  It's just what I needed to hear:  It's not about the food.

It's not about the food:  hanging with Lisa and her family at McDonald's.

Friday Friends

"True friends stab you in the front." 

Oscar Wilde wasn't really describing my Friday friends but it's true we do challenge each other.

And these wise women, they are actually friends every day of the week, but Friday is the day we get together - it's almost religious.  These two fine women have been a great addition to my work life.  This week, for example, we discussed everything from metabolic rates and antioxidants to opera and tendonitis.  They introduced me to the film Koyaanisqatsi and told me about Philip Glass.  I learn something every time I'm with them and they are all ears when I want the floor.  Thank you, Lynnette and Virginia - and see you next Friday!
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